Sunday, January 2, 2011


Life is all about perspective.  And it's all about relativity.  When I was younger, I used to think my chronic knee pain was the worst physical pain to deal with, until I was in a motorcycle accident 2 years ago.

When people I know have physical pain that they start to talk to me about, they tend to stop themselves and say, "But it's nothing like what you went through."

I have to remind them that their pain is their own, and even if it's the worst pain they've experienced, then relatively it will be the worst pain they've had.  We can't compare each our pain to one another, as the other won't know what it feels like until they've experience it.

Then there's a saying that you aren't dealt things in life that you can't handle.  This saying has always made me sick to my stomach in thinking about what life could hand to me next.  After my brain injury from said motorcycle accident, I thought that nothing else could amount to the intense fight I had to get my life back.

Well, this is a different pain and a completely different struggle.  This is an emotional battle, and it's the worst one I've ever had to deal with.  It hurts the most.

While I was recovering from brain injury friends ran to my side to help, and I felt I was supported in the every small way that they helped.  They would bring me shopping and push my wheelchair.  Sometimes they would have to walk me into places where the wheelchair couldn't go and they would ignore the looks and leers that people would give me as they judged me.  I was just an obstacle in people's path because they were in a hurry and every step I captured took more than 2 seconds to achieve.

Doesn't seem like much when you glance at it, but even a turtle strolled faster than me at that point.  Hell, the 95 year grandmother we take care of was faster than me.

I have felt alone in this strife.  I have never felt so isolated because the support from the few people I've allowed to look through my window hasn't helped.

Until I found my person.

Yesterday was a day full of hope.  The sun was a little brighter, the air was a little more fresh, and I actually managed to take care of myself by way of a healthy salad and then there was a big step.  I was able to show my face in public and smile at people.  I was able to pull my view off the ground to look around at my much bigger world.  I was beaming because I was living instead of rotting away on the La-Z Boy.

This morning, I woke up with a seed of strength.  I started to think about the little things that I do that make me happy.  I want to leave the house again.  I want to do my hair.  I want to cook myself a good warm meal.

All it took was feeling that I had one person who'd been where I am.  The one person that said the words that I needed to hear that is acquainted with my every fear and sorrow.

Then something else happened; because of that one person, I felt the support I received from people who didn't have the right words to say was now enough to begin to heal my fragile heart.

It was such a treat to wake up to unswollen eyes today.  I know that it's a momentary breath that I am granted in this time of 'right now'.  I don't care to look at the future tears that may fall when I have to witness the changes in my love.  I want to be back in denial for this moment so that I can say hello to 'me'.  I haven't seen myself for about 6 weeks.

Hello, Andréa.

Welcome to 2011.  May it be a year full of strength, love and acceptance.

It's all about perspective.


  1. This is a wonderful post!! You are doing better and better!!!

  2. :) day two of no tears ... thank you gayle ...


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