Tranny Lovers Anonymous

Sometimes, words can be misconstrued.

When writing from mind to page, we can mean one thing and someone else will take it as another.

Dear Papi thought I was harmed by the most recent Tranny Terrorist antics, as did an anonymous follower or two.

i'm a drama queen ... you'll have to get used to it

If you're new to my blog, I want you to know that when I'm speaking of the Tranny Terrorist, it usually means that at some point, Papi has made me laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

Yes.

This is fucking hard.

But no.

I'm not being harmed by Papi or by my love's silliness.

Mi esposo's playfulness is one of the reasons I'm still here.

I've learned a long time ago that I can heal with humour.  Papi knows this about both of us.  Our relationship is filled is laughs 'after the fact'.

i just want the 'after the fact' time to come soon ...

I am not being harmed by Papi.  Honestly, I'm being harmed by myself.

It is I who has the feelings of pain, and the only one responsible for these feelings is me.

Transgenderism is all over the world.

I sometimes put my anger into these feelings and talk about gender transformation as a fad.  This is really just a way for me to rationalize.

In Vancouver, it seems we are losing all our butches to the male transformation phenomenon.

However, this is because we're a little more forward than other places in the world.

How many straight people look at a dyke and say, "Is that a chick or a dude?"

it's a human being fuckwad.

How many people in other countries are feeling like they're born the wrong gender?

A hell of a lot.

In other countries, you'll be killed for being transgendered.  In Vancouver, you'll just have to deal with adverse emotions from your family and your partners.

hey that's me!

I love butches.

I am attracted to masculine women.

So here I am.  Married to the world's most perfect butch who ...

i found out through denial

... is going through male transformation.

I am a closet Rah-Rah-Tranny who's desperately hiding behind that door.  My knuckles are white from holding it closed, while my love is trying to open from the other side.

This is more painful than I could ever tell you.

Despite my pain, the only one responsible for these emotions is me.  I could leave any time I want to.  That would be easier, yes, but I'd miss out on living my life with a wonderful spouse that is my soul mate and very best friend.

except when i'm being ignored because papi's texting like a maniac ... it's all about me dammit!

I'm still in this marriage because I love the person who's going through the male transformation.

These tears won't kill me, so know that I'm safe, albeit I'm fucking pissed that this is my new reality.

This moment of strength was brought to you by a nice cup of dominican coffee ... stay tuned for more episodes of sifting through the pain.