Friday, January 20, 2012

These are the days that are 'work'.

Oh dear.

This may be a tough day.

My Gratitude Buddy sent me my daily mantra:

laughter is great medicine.  today let's laugh at our mistakes, past and present

First thing I thought of was how angry I get about lids.



I have this inability to get a lid on with one try.  They fly off the bottle or jar, straight to the ground.  Either when I'm taking it off, or trying to put it back on.

I am 'ill-lid-erate'.

It's one of the most frustrating things in my day, because it happens all day, every day, no matter how hard I try.

As I meandered out of my bedroom, I thought to myself, "Ok, Andréa.  We're going to laugh at every lid that flies across the floor today."

I proceeded up the stairs with the Bucket Head to let him out for his tinkle, while I checked the mail, turned on the heat and fed Psycho Kitty.

It's my morning routine.

But who's the mother fucker who pissed in my fucking cornflakes?!?!?

I opened the first envelope and read a letter telling me my driver's license has been revoked, and I need testing again because of my brain injury.

I opened a 2nd letter that told me I'm not qualified for  disability tax credit, so I owe the government money.

The 3rd letter told me the same thing, only I owed less than the first letter.




I'm having withdrawal from the nerve meds, which leaves my temper with less than normal strength to 'manage'.

Jeeeeeezus.  There's so little in there to 'manage' on a good day.  It's all my strength to think positive!

I spoke a bit with My Gratitude Buddy, and true to an awesome friend, she reminded me of another mantra.

you have to fight through the bad days to earn the best days of your life


This instantly took my out of control emotions that were quickly looking like we could have a sighting of Hurricane Andréa, and took it down a notch.

It's just a bad day.

That's all this is, coupled with a short fuse from withdrawal.

This is a test.

This is only a test.

Had this been a real disaster, my love would have woken up completely when I asked for support around the three letters.

Instead, Papi just rolled over and told me it will be fine, and continued where he left off mid-snore.

One thing I know is, just like when my back flares up and I have to do extra to get it to calm down, my mind is no different.

My mind can be just as seized as my back muscles.

I have to exercise my brain.

I have to rewire it to think of the positive in my life.

So, I'll start by reading my mirror.

You know the one that I covered up to shut that bitch the Anorexia Monster up?

Here ya go.

I'll share it with you.

Now I have to convince my mind that all of the above is true.

I don't like cornflakes anyway.


  1. I snorted in my mental coffee. You got yer cornflakes... I have my lil' riding hood ;)
    Today was certainly enough to make your eyes roll independently of one another, punctuated with a few chortles.

    I adore you.

    -Mr Wolf

    1. my coffee made it down, but my medicine shake spilled all over my composing desk.

      tomorrow can't come fast enough.


  2. You will renew your drivers licence, all that will take is time. You don't need the Governments stinking money, you are going to get a fabulous job. You have a loving husband who adores you. You are a wonderful woman who is having a bad day. You ARE brave, you ARE pretty and you ARE wonderful. All your friends and loved ones see this. I see this. Chin up lil chicken, tomorrow will be a better day. xx

    1. thank you kieran. so much. thank you.

      tomorrow ... please come now ... maybe if i go back to sleep it will come faster.

  3. "It's not the load that breaks you down, it's how you carry it." (Lena Horne)

    or how about this one:

    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf". (Jon Kabat-Zinn)

    You're so strong, Andrea, you'll get through this shitty day just by being your wonderful self. :) x

    1. it got better. papi made me laugh :) i'm feeling much better now xo

  4. I think since the licensing board does think you are disabled and revenue Canada does not, Maybe you should sent their letters to each other and let them battle it out:P Fucking government bullshit. And I agree completely with your mirror. That is exactly what you should see reflected back at you. I'm glad you are feeling better now.

    1. isn't it ridiculous jamie? i can't drive b/c of my disability, but i'm not disabled?


      i'm feeling a lot better today and now i'm mad. :) which is better than sad. xoxo

  5. Well you're better then me 'cos honestly I think I would've shouted at the 'gratitude buddy' for the second mantra.

    You are allowed to be angry - it's a normal emotion after all.

    I live near a beach, and at times I've gone down there and done a bit of primal screaming, I even took a girl I used to work with down there to do the same thing.
    It works for me.

    But if you don't have a beach you'd get carted away by men in white coats lol.

    1. i'm trying to stay one step ahead of the white coats!!!

      i'm still waiting for my beach ...


your comments make this world feel smaller ... and you feel closer