bum dye

Today, I go for a bone scan.

Creeeeeee-peeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

I actually didn't know about this before.

They put green, nuclear dye into my bones and see where it lights up like the 4th of July.

Seriously?!?!?!

Ew.

Then, they'll be able to tell where it is they need to treat.

Since the motorcycle accident, I've been envious of people who have operable back conditions.

They get their surgery, and bingo!  They're better.

Me?

I literally work my ass off and I still have a mother fucking bitch of a back.

However, there may be something to help me!!!

I've waited a year to get in to see this doc, and within a week she's got me thinking there's a possibility to have less pain.

But here's the part that's really funny.

To treat it, when they figure out where the inflammation is, they give it a shot.

With Botox.

That's so goddam funny, I can't even tell you.

So, they'll be shooting Botox into my right ass cheek every few months, if it works.

That means one of my ass cheeks will be more youthful than the other.

I'm going to have to work extra hard to perk up the other one.

I guess I'll have to do one legged squats.

Anyway, the only part that scares me is getting my hopes up.

We all know what getting our hopes up means.

We could be in for a let down.

Kinda like the birthday party that never happened.

See, if I just called it a 'dinner plan' with my best buddies, then I wouldn't have been so disappointed, and I would have been overjoyed that my pals showed up.

That right there is why I haven't openly celebrated that day in 15 years.

No expectations, no let down, and the day just goes by without anybody knowing about it.

It's just so damn hard to not have hope sometimes.

It really goes against the whole theory of thinking positively.

How the hell can I think positively, yet not have hope or possible expectations?

I just don't know how the fuck that works.

Yet.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the possibility of less pain and I don't give a shit.

I know I can live with pain, so even if it doesn't work, I'm good.  Even if I do get let down.

However, life would be oh so beautiful without pain or the use of pain meds.

Oh!

I forgot.

I wanted to share something completely off topic with you.

Mi esposo es muy guapo!

Chico caliente!!!!

... swoons ...

i accept and love my body as it is, and i work to make it better