You see, I've been going to the Shul (or as us non-Hebrew speaking folks call it; the Synagogue) regularly for the past month and a half.
I've been enjoying myself, receiving positive messages about spirituality.
I've been so impressed by the consistent positive revelations I've been seizing, that I wrote to the Rabbi and told her, "I have never willingly gone to a house of worship in my life. Thank you for your positive wisdom and for being on the path of my spiritual journey."
Afterward, they always have a potluck. I forget to bring food, always, however, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to bring. I have no idea how to make kosher food really, or even to find the foods to cook with.
Anyway, they are all nice to me even still.
Yesterday was a little out of the ordinary. My gratitude buddy had to leave right after the service, which left me alone, to talk to people until my 'short bus' came to get me.
Talk to people!?!?! Do you know how afraid I am of strangers?!?!?
But something magical happened. I sat down with two old men and debated spirituality, NOT religion.
I was in my glory!!!
I listened to their belief system and was so happy to sense them being ok with how I believe.
I think that's what attracted me to this house of worship to begin with: Free thinking.
One of the first times I went, I listened to an agnostic verging on atheist speak about her journey in spirituality, and what it means to her.
I couldn't believe I'd found someone like myself in a house of worship!!!
Well, yesterday I was sincerely in my element. There I was, sitting around the table, talking to those two old men who had gads more religious experience, and I realized, I may not have religious education, but I indeed have very strong spirituality.
I may not believe in a 'god', but my spirituality is powerful and mighty enough that two old men, who regularly visit Jerusalem for their religious journey, actually listened to what I had to say about spirituality, and genuinely cared to hear it.
I told them how I believe that spirituality and religion are completely different, and only very rarely do people actually have both.
Most people feel that if they follow the ritual of their chosen religion, that they are closer to their 'god'. But personally, I believe some of them are further away from their 'god' than I am. Religious ritual has nothing to do with spirituality, to me.
These old men listened and understood what I was saying. They accepted my belief. They didn't belittle me like most zealots and say, "You're wrong. God is the only way."
No, they questioned my belief system in such a way that it made me understand theirs a little more. At one point, a woman who had joined us couldn't handle the debate of 'What is spirituality?', 'Where does our soul actually exist?', 'What is our higher power?' and 'Why do we return to this house of worship?' because her belief is one dimensional.
Not to mention, she feels she had an experience, that to her, trumps our beliefs. What she doesn't understand, is I've had years of an experience of finding my own path of belief, and mine is just as worthy as hers, albeit completely different.
And that's ok! She walked away because her's was so strong. I'm kinda glad she did, actually. I have my own belief system and I'm finding more and more people that have the same beliefs, and we all know that it doesn't matter 'what' we believe in, as long as we have 'something' to guide us along our spiritual path.
I can't tell you how amazing it was to be able to say out loud to someone there, "I'm not comfortable using the word, 'god'."
It was like a release of every spiritual struggle I've had, when the person across from me said, "I only use that word, because it's easier than trying to explain my belief."
Bingo!! You got it!!
Truly, I have found my people. Truly, I have found a place where I can be who I am, yet still be in a room filled with people who believe that positivity, not power, is the path to enlightenment.
It set my day up for even more beauty, and that moment I had of Nirvana a few months back had found me once more.
i am secure in myself