We have a problem in the house.
G'ma leaves all her grains, cookies, crackers etc. out and the moths have a breeding heyday.
We're constantly putting her food in the fridge or in airtight containers, yet she still leaves them out.
It's kinda hard to train a 96 year old toddler who has the will of a bull.
So, here we are, playing the kill the moth game.
There are little trophies all over the house.
You will see little smears of dead bug guts along every wall and ceiling. Every few weeks, I stroll around with the spray and cloth and remove their carcasses from our walls.
This morning, as I went to make my coffee, I noticed something floating in a dirty glass.
Yes, a dirty glass.
Listen, I never admitted to being a good housewife. I'm a musician. Not a maid.
Anyway, there was this glass with something floating and as I leaned in to see what the fuck it was, I had joy.
A dead moth floating in the water!
I actually sang a dead moth song.
"Ah-ha-ha! Dead moth in the water!"
... sung to the tune of south park's tom cruise and john travolta gay in the closet song ...
I even boogied a little.
The cripple boogie.
A slight wiggle of my ass.
Then I realized how happy we get when we kill them.
One less moth in the house everytime we kill one.
Papi will give the growl of, "Yes! Fucker!" when he crushes the little buggers.
They're everywhere and I'm losing it.
Little fuckers are starting to chew at our clothes. This is not good in a femes world.
It's impossible to be loving and harmonious with a winged creature that destroys my clothing.
Don't do it mother fuckers. I will be your biggest enemy.
We have some moth killer paraphernalia, but I really don't see the point in using it unless we can train the old bird to keep her food airtight.
At least we can keep ours airtight so that our food is healthy.
Can I tell you how utterly disgusting it is to go up into G'ma's cupboard and find a box of cereal consumed by moth webs and cocoons?
Have I made you throw up in your mouth a little?
Anyway, I could never be a Buddhist.
I feel the need to kill these bastards.
I am homicidal.
i forgive myself