Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Gender neutral pronouns please!!!!

I had a day without pain killers yesterday.

Those are some beautiful days when that happens.  I've had 2 in the past week and a half.  I hope this ball keeps rolling!

Papi and I went and sat on the beach.  Same beach we went to for The One Year Wedding Anniversary Extravaganza.

It was difficult for Papi to not take off his top.

When there were breasts there, Papi would always expose them.  I'd cringe because people ...

... creeps ...

... would stare and even sometimes take pictures.

Then there were the mothers who thought that seeing breasts would scar their children, even though that same child suckled her very own bosom.  It was thought of as a beautiful act when that mother could feed her child directly from her body.  How can they see them as offensive?

Anyway, now my love has two massive scars that spread straight across his chest and for the average straight person to see those, they'd probably just wonder if it was cancer.

There was something I read about these scars and that they shouldn't be in the sun.  I'm not sure, but I think it was my Blogger Friend, Vee who told me this information.

i'm too lazy to go find it ...

So, I've been telling my love, "I read it!  If you expose your scars to the sun it will take longer to heal, or not heal as well.  I don't know which one, but just keep them out of the sun!"

Papi has listened to me, but it was very difficult for my love to remain with a shirt on.

My love would sit and stare at men who were just walking around without tops and be envious.

I would sit and stare at the girls who got to move around and play frisbee with a flick of their wrist, or pummel a volleyball.

I, too, was with envy, as I just sit and watch now.

I also compare female bodies to my own.  This is not a healthy thing to do when you have an eating disorder.  It could bring disaster.

I stopped myself and told myself the same thing I have to every time I hear the demon whisper in my ear, "I'm not her.  I am me.  I am healthy."

Afterward, when the self inflicting pain stopped, we went to visit a friend who is having pain of her own.

She's a lovely soul who has gotten herself into a bit of trouble with addiction.

It was really hard to listen to her ask Papi all the curious questions.

My love would just answer with frankness, as if they were talking about a hair regime.

I would fall silent.

I'm sure that if my love were only a friend to me, I'd be just as easy going with it as well, but I'm not.

None-the-less, it was still difficult to hear these questions being answered in a lackadaisical manner.

It's interesting to see how some people see my love as a male and some see a female.

It makes Papi wince when people say, "She," and this friend did quite often.

The strangest phenomenon is happening to me though.  It's also making me feel odd when people say it as well.

Then there's the other day when I realized I wasn't thinking of people as any gender what-so-ever.  I've really stopped using pronouns in every day life, not just with Papi.

I suppose my mind is a pendulum and I'm just swinging to the other side to help myself get past this pronoun thing.

Someone, somewhere, has got to come up with a new pronoun that is gender neutral.

That way, everyone could just be a human, instead of placing a description of their gender.

I would breathe easy if that happens.

Dream on ...


  1. how would you come up with a gender neutral pronoun in french or another latin based language when even things like tables and chairs have a 'fem' and 'masc' pronoun?

  2. that is a good question salad!

    this is just too complex for my mere female brain.

    i've never understood the fem/masc pronoun put on 'items' ... in my mind, pronouns are a way to describe the body in terms of female parts or male parts.

    a chair doesn't have a vagina!!!!!

  3. I always find myself comparing my body, too.

    Always. It's just common nature for me now.

    It sucks.

  4. angela, we will drive ourselves crazy trying to be someone else ... we need to remember that there may always be someone else who wishes they were 'us'.

    ya know? you keep yourself healthy my friend

  5. Hey Andrea, thanks heaps for the link in your post! It takes the reader away from your post though so you might want to add some code so that the link opens in a new page. Or not. :)

    Yes, it was me who advised Papi to keep those scars out of the sun until they're healed. The sun will harden the scar tissue prematurely and they wont fade as nicely. :)

    Once of my lesbian friends calls her partner 'they' instead of 'she' and it sounds kinda weird, truth be told. In China I've heard the term "tā" which means he, she, or it. They use it to refer to males, females, objects, and animals.

  6. you're right about the sun and the scars. i can't remember why either, but i do know for certain that my surgeon told me the same thing. avoid the sun for the first year.

  7. Since we are talking about chairs and vaginas, I agree with you a. I think there should be a general pronoun that describes us as human beings and not male or female.

    Just as you, I compare myself to other girls/woman too. It seems to come all too easy to do it too!

    It also sucks that I cannot run, jump and play around like other adults my age can...damn car accident!

  8. I think it is human nature to envy others. It is in our nature to look in the mirror and find all the flaws. We are not nearly as tough on others.

  9. @vee, i LOVE that! see china has it right!

    @owen, thank you ... i'm happy i'm right again lol!

    @kim, i totally didn't know that you were part of the gimp club!! i'm so sorry ... but it's nice to know i'm not alone xo

    @jamie, it's so true ... it is our nature. i'm learning more to UNlearn this behaviour.

  10. There are neutral pronouns that are often used in LGBTQ communities. It's just not reached the mainstream yet, so I imagine you'd spend a lot of time explaining it to people. (http://philenotfound.blogspot.com/2010/07/gender-neutral-pronouns.html)

    I've been learning to avoid needlessly drawing attention to peoples genders, but it's so ingrained in our language that it can be hard. I like referring to my friends as "gentlemen" and "boys" and there isn't really a suitable neutral replacement. The whole thing is aggravating.

  11. i'm glad you feel aggravated too ... i just have to find a way to get around it for myself ... someone said 'ta' from the asian culture as a 'non-gender' pronoun.

  12. I have a friend from Finland - they have no gender pro-noun in their language.
    It's hilarious too, she has lived here for years, speaks perfect English but will say "I must call Karen I haven't seen him for ages".

    And I've seen your abs...you have no need to feel jealous of anyone.

  13. i wanna live there!!! i wanna have it like that!!! why can't we?!?!?!

    as for my abs ... i'm looking forward to getting them back again ... had 5 weeks off not using them at all :( back at'er now that i can handle a day here and there without pain meds! phew

  14. I will give up gendered pronouns on the day women give up their advantage on the scrabble board. It's down right unfair, do you know how many points you can rack up with six letter women over little three letter men? With the W and possible multipliers, let me tell you it is way more than double. But, I'll be nice and I won't ask women to shorten their gender term. I simply request for "men" to have the new title of slagathor. That would put things about even, and I could then give up gender pronouns. But who knows what will happen. As you well know it is a slagathor's world out there. See, how easy the new word flows. Also, what of your other who is changing genders but then loses the gender reference. Oooooo, ask your partner to help spread the new slagathor title. Together we can change the world.

  15. that took a few read throughs lol!

    i get it now ... and i'll pass on slagathor to papi :)


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