Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Goggles of Denial

I've never like glasses so much as I do now.

They're hindering my vision for anything up close, because of some physiological decaying, that is a gauge of age.


I'm en route to 'old' I guess.

don't tell anyone, k?

Well, anyway, I have to take my glasses off to see up close.

Papi goes on about 'this hair' growing and 'that hair' growing and I just don't see them.

My love parades around with these fledgling spurts of teenage maturing feelers that are sprouting out all over the place.

I hear, "Do you see my sideburns?" or better yet, "Do you see my chesthair?!"

no ... as long as i keep my glasses on, i don't.

However, my love is hip to my trick and told me to take off my glasses so that I can see it.

I begrudgingly did it, and sure enough, there they were: 5 or 6 dark course hairs on my love's chest, and little bristles of stubble directly beside Papi's ear. 

Yes.  Here it comes.

So, we were at a beach the other day, and Papi blurts out, "Should I grow my armpit hair?"

This question came about because of the men that were obviously having their very own pageant of: 'Who's the Hairiest in the Sand?'

There was hair everywhere!!

Back, armpit, chest, facial, leg and even this line of hair down the middle of their stomachs!

Mi esposo is realizing that men don't shave that shit off.

So, now to become integrated into the male world, there must be hair.


I have to admit, I'm not the best at my upkeep for my lady bits to look perfect every day.

Nor my armpits.

I'm pretty low maintenance, and it's good.  I couldn't imagine primping and prodding myself to perfection like I did when I was a teen.

Back then, it was like I lived in the bathroom trying to get the perfect eyeliner curve on my lid.

But I digress.  That's a whole other blog about ego.

Papi looked at the guys on the beach and said, "He has a nice amount of chest hair," in an effort to show me that this is what my love wants.

"No.  He doesn't.  If you get hairy like that I'll be waxing you in your sleep."

It was then that I realized how bloody bizarre this whole thing is.

I have a prepubescent for a spouse.

Most 'men' have their hair in place before they meet 'the one'.  This guarantees that the other half of the relationship knows what their getting.

I don't know what I'm getting when it comes to the hair.

As an adult with an adult spouse who's going through teenage puberty, it's fucking comical!

This is seriously the weirdest thing I could ever imagine happening in someone's life.

Now that I'm able to actually speak to my love about things ...

well ... if i'm being honest, it's really listening to papi ... then rolling my eyes because it was too much information that i'm not ready to hear ...

... it seems like the strangest conversations.

These dudes on the beach have finished their maturing, and I suppose that some women may like the hair, but dammit, I don't.


So, in answer to the armpit hair question, I'm the wrong one to ask.

Yet, I'm always the one to hear these questions.

Man hair.

It has completed it's journey reaching my love's groin and is now continuing it's trek to higher elevations.

I think I'll keep my goggles of denial on until I'm ready for the fuzz.


  1. I have to say that I do not like hair either. Once when I was about 14, the boy across the street had a crush on me and I on him. I was outside with a couple other girls hanging out by the one's little sister's swing-set and here comes the boy that I liked. He climbed to the top bar in which the swing chains were adjacent to and hung upside down. I followed him with my eyes from his knees that were bent over the top bar, down his boy parts, to his stomach then there they were...his armpits...and they were hairy! Y-U-C-K!!!!!

    I have accepted it now that I'm like 25 years older but then it was just disgusting!

  2. so then kim, how do you deal with the hair now?!

    did you just get used to it? even when i did my stint in the closet i hated it!!!!

    little pubes all over the place!!!

  3. I suggest switching all the lights in your house to dimmer switches. Take the restaurant approach to lighting: enough so you can see the gist of everything, but not enough so you can see any flaws. It's all about happiness through lighting. Like the quesadillas at the mexican restaurant. They're really tasty and if you don't see the hair in the cheese well then it was never there to begin with. Yes, dimmer switches and a constant level of mood lighting will get your place hair free and make everything seem more romantic.

  4. I don't like hairy men. A little bit on the chest is ok - and I mean a little bit and I tell any man who thinks he's getting jiggy that if you want me to suck it it better be de-fuzzed. (TMI ? Not on this blog lol)
    But oddly I LOVE hairy forearms - on the right man I just have brush against them and OH MY GOD.
    Bizarre huh.
    Guess we all have our turn ons and offs, and you can't control that, anymore then you can control who you fancy.

    And nowadays it's perfectly acceptable for men to wax and shave so I say you should stand up for your hair preferences over this one.

    I suppose when you are a trans person trying to learn and adopt the traits of the sex you are becoming there is a tendency to try too hard.
    (No offence Papi,I know you're going to read this) but it's like the way trans women go over the top with make-up - in an effort to be feminine they sometimes go a bit over the top.

  5. @CMB, i'll take your suggestion ... sounds like a good one :)

    @dirty, yeah ... never tmi on my blog lol! and i think you have it right ... that maybe papi doesn't need to be a hairy ape to look like a man :)

  6. I am not into hairy guys. Big turn off.

  7. Aww ... your Papi is a teenager.

    Not too much hair please, unless you love to eternally floss your teeth! hahahaha

  8. oh god. pubes in my teeth! nice to read just before i head off to sleep.

  9. I've never liked body hair so I don't think i can grow the pit hair, i just felt self conscious when all the other guys had their pit hair hanging about and I was laying down with my arms over my head pit hairless.

    I like the wrestler/porn star look so i'll be waxing the chest of need be!

    @ Dirty. I hate hairy penis/balls. The look makes me want to barf! I wouldn't be going down on that either without some shaving trimming or something!!!!

  10. wrestler porn star look it is then papi!

  11. That was crazy funny. BTW if I could get rid of ALL my hair I would! I know I'm speaking from a mans POV and I've had it all since I was a teenager, but I HATE my hair! It's such a unique thing that I get to read about an adult going through the same things I went through a long time ago. I remember my moustache and sideburns coming in. Now I hate tht I have to constantly grom all that shit. ANYWAY! PLEASE make your life into a movie! I'd watch the hell out of it!

  12. seriously rafa, i know that our train wreck and bizarreness would definitely be a good show lol!!

    we just gotta find the ppl to film it :)


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