Never mind about driving the car.
When my back is at a 9/10 pain level, I can't even press in the clutch. It's about the only time in life that I wish for an automatic vehicle.
Anyway, I was too busy having a pain med party yesterday to write to 'you', my imaginary friend.
I'm getting a head start into my writing before I slip off into la-la-land with my new best friend, "Whoop Ass Butter".
It's the perfect medicine for intensely acute days.
Sometimes it's difficult to find the silver lining in nasty times, but I now have one when my back is bitter and biting.
Pain Med Party!!!!!!!!!
Hey, I'm taking them responsibly and only when needed, but as a former wake 'n bake femme, I do have to say, I'm starting to feel a lot less guilty about enjoying my 'down time'.
Yup. It's definitely a silver lining.
Now when my back goes out, I'm not frustrated about what I can and cannot do. I just smile and do what I can with a little help from my MC Guru and the pain relief I deserve after almost 3 years.
And now with my most recent flare up, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Roseanne's Nuts are the perfect companions. I save them up for these days and have a marathon of smiles.
Even if it does hurt to laugh, it's better than hurting from crying. It's a much better reaction.
Music sounds a little better. Playing my piano or my bass is possible and for this I am the most grateful.
On codeine, percocet, or morphine, I would look at my piano or bass and think, "I should go play that," then I continue to stare at it for a little while and realize that hurting for the sake of filling my musical heart is not a benefit.
Well, now it is.
I guess doing the video was what put me in to this predicament. Well, not so much just the video, but perhaps the fact that I think I have superpowers when the pain killers kick in and I washed the tub.
Boy, did I ever get the reprimand riot act from my lawyer's paralegal. "What were you thinking?!? I see you hunched over and in pain every time I see you and you washed your tub?!? Your health is much more important than a clean tub."
Touché madam, how right you are.
But dammit! The Yank, our honorary room mate, is coming this weekend, and I'm pretty sure the tub hasn't been washed since the last time she was here.
Housekeeping is reserved for 'good' days, and cleaning that damn tub puts me into a seized state every time.
There's a saying in those anonymous rooms for drunks: "The definition of insanity is repeating the same action, over and over again, expecting different results."
in·san·i·ty[in-san-i-tee]noun, plural in·san·i·ties.
1. the condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind. Synonyms: dementia, lunacy, madness, craziness, mania, aberration.2. Law . such unsoundness of mind as frees one from legal responsibility, as for committing a crime, or as signals one's lack of legal capacity, as for entering into a contractual agreement.3. Psychiatry . (formerly) psychosis.4. a. extreme foolishness; folly; senselessness; foolhardiness: Trying to drive through that traffic would be pure insanity.
b. a foolish or senseless action, policy, statement, etc.: We've heard decades of insanities in our political discourse.
I'm definitely one of 'those', and I'm not so good at acceptance.
have you figured that out already?!
I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm permanently screwed up from the motorcycle accident.
I have had such high hopes that I'll be back to the body I had before. My 'normal'.
It's time to start accepting that this is my new 'normal', and it's time to hire someone to wash the tub.
Papi won't do it. It's not in his repetoire.
My love's strong suit is DIY projects, cleaning the kitty litter, and doing all the laundry, so that there's piles of it for me to fold.
I'm staring at it right now.
It is sprawled along the ottoman as if the laundry basket just puked up a big hairball.
I think I'll wait for the pain killers to kick in before I attempt folding, or perhaps I'll actually take care of my back today and do fuck all.
That sounds good to me.