Yesterday, I had an opportunity to hear a male's side of being here on planet earth.
We all know I'm leery of strangers, but most of my fear is toward males.
What I got to realize yesterday, was that I'm in great company in this department.
We went by a friends house yesterday, and both he and Papi were talking about how women are afraid of them.
I mean really, it just takes a few assholes to ruin it for us gals for life.
However, listening to two people whom I know are good people towards female strangers, it was really quite sad.
"I can't handle walking down the street and watching a woman cross, because they think I'm a scary dude."
It really hit me. Now that my love is looking more male, he can't make googoo faces at kids, or the mother will pull them in closer for fear that they are a pedophile.
And I don't blame them.
There are some sick fucks out there.
I have my own proof.
Still, I feel sorry for F-M people who are having to learn the ropes of becoming a man.
They have to change their demeanor towards other men. Gregarious males get started at strangely by the bio-males of this world.
Mi esposo has had to keep his chatting to people he knows, or he feels comfortable around.
That's just so brutal.
Everywhere my love goes, he chats people up, and wins their hearts in an instant.
I'm not like that. Even though I can stand on a stage and belt out songs, when it comes to strangers, I'm not quite the same. Most of the time I just smile and giggle, because in all honesty, I'm nervous and shy.
So, I just watch and smile at the way eyes light up when Papi is goofy, chatty, charming and just himself.
However, that's something that he feels he has to curb.
That makes me sad for him.
How can you just change that extrovert to an introvert? I don't think it can be done. My love is just too friendly for that.
I'm sure he'll figure it out.
Anyway, it was really sad yesterday to hear them both talk about the changes in how women automatically assume they're male predators.
I get it.
Not too long ago, I was running into a store, and Papi parked in an alley next to it. When I was about to return to our car, there were two men walking down the alley behind me.
Of course I freaked and continuously turned my head to see if they were gaining on me like those in the past who have attacked me.
They figured out that I was terrified and backed off in a very obvious way to make sure I knew they weren't coming for me.
They were the good ones, but that didn't matter when I was walking down an alley alone.
No male behind me in an alley will ever make me comfortable.
Unless it's my bodyguard. Damn I wish I had one of those! I'd be a lot less frightened.
But you know what? Because of how I explained to both Papi and our friend about how much fear a woman can have, our friend wrote probably the most touching email to me I have ever received.
He asked me to help him with his body language so that women wouldn't cross the street anymore.
In reality, that's never going to stop, yet I can still show him what those of us with P.T.S.D. are afraid of and how he may be able to lighten his presence.
It just made me feel so good inside that someone saw a person in me, that could help them.
I am loved.
And now I'm off to try on that dress.
Jeeeeeezus ... wish me luck.