Saturday, March 26, 2011

Who's responsible here?

Papi found out yesterday that the top surgery is covered.  The panel consisting of two shrinks dubbed my love a 'true' transgendered person.


Now mi esposo can go on the waiting list to get those scrumptious breasts removed from my loving eyes, and forever I will be without a soft pillow to lay my head against when there's an affectionate hug.

But, there's a problem in Papi's world.  The waiting list is horribly long.

It will take months to wait just to get the letters sent to the appropriate bureaucratic boss man, more months after that to get a consultation, then a good 8-12 months on a waiting list to actually get it done.

Too long for someone who wants them gone the moment the decision to transform was uttered.

Papi wants to get it done now.  My love is madly typing to surgery centers in Florida and San Fransisco, as well as leaving voice mails for them to receive on Monday.

There is hope that it will be done sooner this way.  There is also a hefty bill.  A good 10K.  This scares me.

We just got out of debt, and I'm wearing the ring that is supposed to cover my jaw surgery.  Now my love wants to sell this 1 karat engagement ring that looks so pretty on my hand.

at least i still get to keep mine!  not a hope in hell i'll part with that baby

I suggested we get out of the debt from our holiday to the Dominican Republic we already booked, save a little money and then sell a few things.  This way my love could get it done in the coming winter, instead of waiting close to 2 years.

I would even sell my cello for Papi, but my love wants it NOW!!!

No waiting.

Whip out the plastic and get in there to start the mutilation.

Time to breathe through a new spiral of debt that we just seemed to get out of from the wedding, rings and honeymoon.

This terrifies me almost as much as the surgery.

My love grew up getting everything that was wanted, as soon as it was asked for.

We are not rich like the friends Papi grew up with.  We will be hurting for the cash, and I look at this ring and wonder if my needed jaw surgery won't happen.

Then there's the other half of the stomach turning.

Mi esopso being cut.

I can understand the need for my love to get this done now.  Papi doesn't like that I'm not ecstatic about it.

There are times that my love will say, "I know YOU'RE not happy about it ... but," and I will cringe.  It makes me feel like I'm on the other side of the planet from Papi.

The thing is, I'd rather have it done sooner as well.  This way I can just get the tears out now, versus waiting for the inevitable.

It's coming.

The wave of mutilation.

It would just be easier on me to get it over with and grieve over my love's body part, than it would be to watch the time come closer like the predator gaining speed down that dark alley.

Closer and closer, time is decreasing space.  It's pale, boney hand, with yellowed nails reaching toward me is accompanied by an evil smile that will turn into a maniacal laugh when it finally has me in it's grasp.

hey ... if it's gonna happen, let's just get it over with ...




Which is the villain?


  1. *hugs* just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.

  2. Wow, I think she needs to consider your jaw surgery though.... that is REALLY important. I can't really understand the breast thing at a personal level though. Im sure for him, it IS as important. But to me, something like jaw surgery takes precedence. He needs to learn a little patience. Never too late.

  3. Money is such a bastard of a problem, causes no end of drama's, it even super seeds personal probs at times.
    You have to get your jaw done,that is important,
    Thinking of you too

  4. I hope you will be able to have your jaw done first!! Take care!

  5. Not even going to comment as regards your jaw - others have already said that.

    But as you say waiting for the inevitable is often worse then the thing itself. And you cannot get over and move on from something until it has happened.

    And it is inevitable.
    There is something else I want to say but I just dont know if its appropriate, Ive spent most of my adult life with my foot in my mouth. If I do I think I'll say it where we talk in private.

  6. The jaw surgery and her braces are not in question she will get that no matter what. That is as important to me as it is to my lovely wife. The jaw surgery does not happen for at least a year b/c she has to have her braces on for that long first before the surgery.
    I would never say my surgery is more important then hers :->

  7. papi ... you just outted yourself ... now they will know your real name mwahahahaha

    i know you know my jaw needs to be done. i know this.

    just thinking fear of money.

  8. there are no easy answers here. i hate that we are all so dependant on money. and i hate that the wait list in BC is so long. i hate that you're feeling the way you're feeling, A. but i also know how E is feeling, as i once felt like that, but Manitoba Health saved me! sounds like maybe we could have another phone date this weekend? and also, i have a REALLY great idea for a fundraiser, whether it be for your surgery, or for E's, or just for paying down debt!
    also, in case you didn't know, i sure do freakin' love you!!!!

  9. You know what Andrea and Papi? You both are amazing people and you will get through this with shining colors :) I think you are both amazing! ~HUG~


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