Friday, March 25, 2011


Men scare me.


I said it.

They scare me, but really, now I have to say bio-males scare me.  I've been thrown into the realm of politically correct terms for transgenderism and must use the right words.

Bio-male.  Not trans-male.

I have every reason to be afraid of some men.  Not all men, but when I have memories that even make me afraid of the smallest things, I really have to look at it.

One memory in particular is of one of the rapists I've encountered in my life.  He was the Barnet Hwy rapist.  I don't know if he ever got caught and institutionalized, but he was attacking girls a lot during my teens.

My walk from the bus was like any other walk down the isolated alley, which has a park on one side and houses on the other.  Nobody was ever around.  I was just a lone kid accompanied by her innocence.

Barnet Hwy area is a great place for a sexual predator.  It's nothing but trees and hiding places, and cars that go by so quickly, nobody would ever see you being abducted.  I'm sure the predator knew it was a great place to rape then drag someone to the trees, leaving them for dead.

As I got halfway down the peaceful alley, I heard a noise beside me.  It came from the garbage can, then my heart pounded when I saw that man stand up from behind it and come out at me with intention.

At first, like any other kid, I didn't really realize that my time may have come, so I doubted the experience and looked behind me to see if he truly was coming for me.


There he was, with his hood up over head so I couldn't see his face.

Oh I ran.  I ran faster than those injured knees gave me the right to run.  I looked behind me to see if I'd made any distance between myself and this creep, and he was reaching out to grab for my long blonde hair that was flying in the wake behind me.

My survival instinct kicked in and I did a hurdle over that fence like no other olympian could ever do.  I flew.

I ran to the door of my boyfriend's house ...

yes ... i was still in the closet as a teen

... and hammered on that door as if I could break it down with my might.

I cried and screamed telling my boyfriend and his pal what had just happened.  They ran out after the guy, but I knew they wouldn't catch him.

All I knew was, I wouldn't be walking down that alley alone anymore and that I was the lucky one who got away.  I knew there would be more rapes, as I couldn't identify the slime.

And there were.  The rape kept happening.

Fast forward to the 'now'.

I went into our 'cold room'.  It's a room with our freezer and storage; spices, extra toilet paper, tools.  Right now our cold room is overfilled with boxes, because of the sewage flood.  It's really hard to get in there.

I needed to find something ...

honestly can't remember what it was now ... thank you brain injury

... and as soon as I reached to pull things around I heard something from below the rubble.  I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran to get away from the rapist who was crawling out from behind the boxes.


Sure.  A rapist that is 2 feet tall.

There was no rapist.  Rat maybe, but not rapist.  I'm still in fear of that man.  I'm in fear of the bio-male.

Could this be part of the fear that I'm feeling about my love?  The 'woman' I married is leaving me, to be replaced by a 'male'.  Not a bio-male, but more of a male just the same.

Fear is crippling.


  1. Having had a very similar experience I do know what you mean!

  2. Oh Andrea, just hugs and love for you today.

  3. omg. I can't even imagine the fear. Hell, even dreams have left me paralyzed with fear. But a real event? God. *hug*

  4. ty lady and border ...

    and bio, people 'wonder' why i'm such an anxiety ridden freak?!?!


    we all have our life experiences ... they get us in one way or another ... i still haven't gone into that room any further than the toilet paper ... yet, i would have a rat as a pet!

  5. Rats make great pets though! And 2 foot rapists make TERRIBLE pets.

  6. maybe i should go drag it out and see what it is? just the thought makes me shiver!!!

    if it's a 2 foot rapist, i'll win. if it's a 2 foot rat? i'm thinking i'll lose.

  7. You could def kick a 2 foot rapists ass. But yeah, 2 foot rat? THAT would be a tough fight.

    Unless it's a friendly rat.

  8. all i can think of is possum mcstabby when i think of the 2 foot rat!!!


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