Thursday, March 3, 2011

Shift ...

It's possible I'm thinking more of my love as the male Papi desires to be.

Mi esposo wants me to join the same gym.  I don't like Papi's gym.  I love MY gym, where I've been a patron for 15 years.

My gym is owned by a gay couple, and the clients are all very respectful, straight or not.  Papi's gym is more of a pick up joint for the heteros.

I gave my love's gym a try yesterday.

In Papi's gym, men's eyes will peruse the room, creating fantasies of the women.  I get extremely uncomfortable with those heterosexual dances in every corner.

seriously ... don't bother checking out MY ass ... you won't get the desired reaction, THIS i promise you.

Not to mention, when I go to the gym, I'm in ratty work out clothes with no make-up.  I don't get dressed up for the gym.  I don't feel comfortable in the glitz 'n glamour of this environment.

I'm there to sweat, not to look good.  When I want competition in the gym, it's for how much weight I can push, not my attire.

However, what made me the MOST uncomfortable was when Papi followed me into the women's change room!

houston we have a problem.  there's a tranny in the changeroom.

Papi is 'in between' right now.  While my love worked out, people had their sheltered minds blown, wondering how there could possibly be a guy with breasts.

Mi esposo has never been intimidated by anyone.  It's the other way around.  Papi is quite tall with full sleeve tattoos that crawl up that gorgeous neck, and peek out along those strong hands.

People get uncomfortable until they hear words from my love.

Papi has a personality that is appealing to even the most conservative of folks.  My love wins hearts in the most adverse places.

Yet, when it comes to the ladies room, women will give my love a hard time. 

there's a man in the women's washroom!!!!!

I just look at them with the death pan stare.

don't you DARE say anything, or you'll have to deal with ME!  the tattooed amazon is the least of your worries!

But this visit to the changroom?

I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  I was so very uncomfortable that there was a half man who followed me in!

I realized at that point that there has been a shift in my thinking.  An allowance of the thoughts that the 'wife' I married is no longer that.

So.  Where does Papi fit in then?

Imagine if my love went into the men's room without those delightful breasts being bound?

I now slightly understand how my love feels.  Those breasts are the culprit of not being that man Papi sees in the mind's eye.

This world needs a special place for the 'Papis' of the world.  This world needs a trans washroom.

But when the courts in our neighbouring country have condoned the homophobic hatred of religious zealots who terrorize grieving families that have lost loved ones in a fight for their country, a trans washroom is not going to happen.

We still need to get past homophobia ... never mind transphobia.

This world is a fucked up place, and I suppose I don't help matters.


  1. I disagree with that last sentence. I think perhaps you are helping Andrea, maybe only in your little corner of the world but it's a start.
    Be nice if we lived in a world where people were just people.
    One day perhaps, but what I do believe is the people who blur the definitions are the ones that will make that happen.
    I know there's a huge difference but as the mother of a mixed race child I can understand a little of what papi must be going through - neither being one nor the other.

  2. i guess i feel like i'm not fighting FOR papi right now ... that i'm still in fear of what others will do/say instead of being an advocate ...

    if i don't fight for my love, i'm just as guilty ... that's where the last line comes in ...

    i really appreciate your understanding of the neither/nor ... i'm just starting on my journey of understanding xo

  3. locker rooms really really REALLY suck. a lot. and for a lot of people, not just trans folks. but yes, they have a special place of hatred in my heart. when we were in Vancouver, i worked out at Spartacus because it's NOT cruisey. which is a tough call for me because, as a fag, i LIKE to get cruised! but perhaps not at the gym, where i'm trying to hide my lack of a cock. that being said, the hardest thing for me to get over has been that, straight guys don't look at ANYONE in the locker rooms or washrooms. they're too afraid of coming off as gay!! there will come a day, and maybe not even that far off, where E will have to switch locker rooms. that'll change the gym experience.

  4. yeah ... spartacus is my gym. best gym ever! but Papi wants me to go to **ack** fitness world **choke**

    funny that Papi told me the uncomfortableness was felt by my love as well ... that it was somehow wrong for Papi ...

    everything is such a shift

  5. The gym and I are not friends at all, never mind the locker rooms! LOL
    You amaze me and you also educate me. Because of you I have a better understanding of the world that I was only briefly apart of.
    You are right, the world is a fucked up place but because of you and Papi you are making less fucked up and more livable :)

  6. bugz & cowgirl: i never thought for a minute until you both have said these words today that i was helping anybody understand.

    i started this blog to help myself understand, and to learn that i may possibly helping others through this too?

    i am truly humbled xoxo

  7. Andrea, you are doing more for the understanding of those in transition than you know. I live, as you know, in a very very accepting city. And yet, even at the Tbar, I have yet to see a trans washroom. And to be truthful, I had never thought about that aspect of transitioning. I have seen people pre-, post-, and even during, but I feel kind of strange admitting that although I am so aware of so many of the struggles, I had neglected to consider that one. You are opening peoples eyes, Andrea, and you are creating an awareness, even for those who are completely supportive and accepting, yet still unaware of just how it is, for both of you. You should be commended. And thanked. And I am willing to pick up my pen, and sign any petition to make changes to gyms, community centers, public places, to include facilities that transitioning people would feel comfortable in. You are helping matters, Andrea. You are opening eyes. And that is more important than anything.

  8. Why i chose to go in that locker room is beyond me. I had no idea my lovely was as uncomfortable as i was lol. I'll never do that again!! You're right OC the men don't look at ya in straight places ;-> . I've never been questioned going into a male washroom except one time in Seattle at a male Gay bar. I got in a argument with the bouncer. I said i don't know how you do things down here in the USA but in Canada we go into the bathroom with which we identify. He looked apologetic and said "ohhhh ok" I was so shocked in a gay place this happened! Like WTF?

  9. Andrea i totally agree with Borderlinegirl and the others. Your blog has opened my eyes to something i never really thought about. I have never had an issue with people who want to transition or anything along those lines but i have never really thought about it till i came across your blog and i love your blog, its interesting and you seem like such a down to earth person. Your blog makes me a little more open minded about things in life.

    I wish you and Papi all the best xoxo

  10. I lived in Washington, DC for about 10 years and an amazing thing about DC is transgendered individuals are able to use whatever bathroom they feel most comfortable using. They're legally protected and it's awesome. Safety is a huge issue. If I were trans I would want to feel safe when using the bathroom.

    And I agree with you about the horribe religious group; those people are horrendous and evil. I was trying to explain my point of view on facebook, that while I do understand the need to uphold free speech...blah, blah, a gay man, a part of me feels differently. A part of me feels like the government is saying, "Let me kick you while you're already down. We already consider you to be a second-class citizen and not worth the same value as your heterosexual neighbor, so let's dig the knife in even more and make you feel more disempowered." That's how I feel...I think a lot of my hetero friends did not understand, and some got really defensive and attacked me for saying it. Oh well. I'm not surprised that they didn't understand.

  11. @Easton, you'd be really surprised to know how many lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals discriminate against trans people. I've worked with the LGBT community as a social worker, and did a research project for my MSW. I was shocked to learn that just because we are brought together in the title LGBT does not necessarily mean that we are a community. Sad, but so true.

    Years ago I came from a place of not knowing about trans people (I grew up in a small town in West Virginia), but through my work as a social worker in Washington, DC, I realized they're just people. And they should have the right to identify themselves however they choose. Society can't deal because they want to label everything. They can't get over the fact that trans people can label themselves (or choose not too) however they see fit!! :)


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