Monday, April 25, 2011

Chapter Two: It Gets Better?

Papi's having troubles with memory.  I'm starting to get a little nervous.  My love is repeating the same questions and losing track of time.  I really believe it's the hormones, and when I shared this with mi esposo, what do I get?

"Oh, thank you for reminding me!  It's Saturday!  I have to take my hormones." 

ah for fucks sakes

Papi continued sarcastically, "And I'm sure you know that already, because you'll do something that requires you to come along right while I'm doing it.  But you've come a long way.  Do you want to do this for me now?"


"Ok! Ok!  I just thought that since you're doing so well ...  Most girlfriends would do this for us."

excuse me?

"Fuck you and I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your wife, so the rules are different!"

Papi proceeds to prepare them right in front of me and I squirm with nausea, "Do you have to do it right there though?!?"

"Well, this is where I do it.  But if you want me to, I'll do it somewhere else."

"No, just go ahead.  I'm busy here doing something else."

typing and frantically trying to keep my heart from exploding from anxiety

Papi prodded, "Well, if you want I'll do it somewhere else."

"Just stop talking and do it and don't ruin this moment."

Mi esposo was confused, "This moment?"

"Yeah.  I'm doing ok, so just stop talking about it and do it."

Now all I hear is sarcastic, mocking, Tranny Terrorist mutterings of, 'well, i was just trying to be sensitive to your needs.  sheesh don't have to be so mean about it.'

"Just shut the fuck up and do it already!!!"

"I'm already done."

"Oh.  Ok."

i guess i am doing better?

My love came and sat down by me and said, "You look really tired."

"Yeah, it's because I've been crying all morning."

"Oh sweety, about me?"


I told Papi about my visit, about the expansion of the Trust List and how my newly added person had gone through this before as well.  Then my love got nervous.

"So she didn't last through the relationships either?"  Tears welled in Papi's eyes, "I'm so afraid that you're going to leave me.  The odds aren't good for me.  Most people don't make it through."

My tears joined Papi's, "I am having a hard time because I'm STAYING.  It would be easier if I just left.  But I can't.  I love you so much that I'd do anything for you." 

including suffering this mounting pain ... i do this for love ...

Papi asked, "Is this coming up because of the top surgery?"

"Yes.  6 weeks isn't very far away and I have to somehow get over this so I can help you."

my trust list person and i both agree that whatever energy is around the healing of scars, this too will be absorbed by the tissues ...

Adamantly, Papi stated, "No you don't.  You can have whatever emotions you need around this.  Thank you for staying with me.  Thank you for loving me enough to be here."

We got ready for the Sexy Sauna Party, and my stomach just kept turning in anticipation of running into a Rah-Rah-Tranny.

feel the fear and do it anyway ...

En route, we had to drive through skid row to get to the sauna.  As we travel, we take in the sights of people less fortunate than us.  Those who aren't lucky enough to have gotten out of their addiction.  Those who may die in these streets.

One man stuck out among the crowd ... and so begins Chapter 3.


  1. darling, it's not the hormones causing the memory problems. i don't know what is, and i'm certainly not in any place to guess what is, but i can assure you, as much as you may hate the hormones, it's not them. that said, i love you. let's talk soon. if it works for you, i'm free this week. any day except Friday. kisses and a million misses

  2. dear oc: damn. i just want to have everything against them ... are you sure? i hate them :)

    psycho, hopeful is good ... i'm in an out of it xo

  3. i guess i can't be 100% sure. and there sure aren't enough studies out there to say one way or the other. but i'm pretty sure. and by pretty sure, i mean i've never heard/read/seen anything on any list of possible side effects that includes memory loss. sorry punkin!


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