Friday, April 8, 2011

Stalkers!

So.

I walk outside half dreary eyed and half in a hurry to get to my shift.  I strolled as quickly as I could to the sidewalk that leads to our vehicle.  As I approached, I noticed something on the windshield.

Upon walking closer, I realized what it was:

A fucking pamphlet on how Jesus loves me.

Sorry ... but he died a long time ago ... i'm pretty sure he has noooo idea who i am.

I'm hopping mad and in seconds I am now fully awake!

There have been many a 'god fearing', homophobic pamphlet mailed to my love from some crazy mother-fucking zealot, terrorizing Papi with their propaganda of insanity.  I'd charge them with harassment if they put a fucking return address on their envelopes.

what?!  too afraid that i'll come to your house and show you what fear REALLY is?!?!

I'm just assuming at this point that this freak of a person has gotten frustrated that their ridiculous pieces of paper haven't scared us straight.  They religiously mail their crap about how we're going to hell for being gay.

good thing ... i wouldn't want to miss out on the party!  all my friends will be there!!!

But to come on MY property and put your shit on MY vehicle?!?!?!

Oh no, no, NO!!!

I'll be getting a video camera and finding out who's doing this and charge them with trespassing and harassment.  People who have a dose of the crazies can't just come on to my property and have my blood boiling at 7:45 in the morning with their spewing of brain washed lunacy!!!

some people should really be on meds ... i got mine jack

I also realized that my love had just arrived home from the graveyard shift no more than 10 minutes prior, so whomever this nutburger is, has obviously been stalking us to wait for mi esposo to come home so they can put their crap on our car.

Now the charges have gone from harassment to trespassing AND stalking!!  I'll also be sure to get a restraining order.  Nutballs are fucking scary and I don't want to have to deal with it, yet again, in my life.

Nope.  Been there, charged that.

At this point, I'm so angry that I will actually drive while talking on my cell phone, even thought it's illegal.  Even though I'm the one who will tsk-tsk my love for breaking this law.

I phoned Papi to vent about the pamphlet, but before I could even spout my ire, I heard my love answer the phone with a half weakened giggle for a hello.  I knew right then who had put that pamphlet there.

Papi really knows how to yank my chain.

"Oh my god.  Did YOU put this fucking thing on the windshield?!?!?"

Mi esposo giggled, "Yes.  I knew what this phone call was about!"  And the laughing continued on both ends of the phone call.

When we love someone, we know what to do to get the reaction we want.  We know what drives them mad, makes them laugh, pisses them off and how to push buttons.

Oh, Papi, you truly are an imp.

If I wasn't loved, I wouldn't be poked at, now would I?

Ah, love.

Ain't it grand ...

Hehe ... when I calmed down after our laugh, I had to think about how angry I got.

Yeah.  Who's the crazy one?

6 comments:

  1. Well thank goodness it wasn't a real crazy person! I'm just relieved!

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  2. hehe ... the REAL crazy person is stiiiiiiiilllll heeeeerrrre mwahahahaha ... at least i do take my meds :)

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  3. OMG! You've been PUNK'd! Big time! hahahahaha
    I totally love Papi. We're gonna make a great team punking! LOL!

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  4. This is awesome! Love it! keep up the great work!

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  5. OMFG, I was right there with you. Righteous fury. LOL, what a wonderfully evil thing to do. I love it. Great story to start my day off with.

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  6. @psycho: yes. papi is amongst the cheekiest

    @glovey: welcome to my lunacy page!

    @jamie: glad i could have you along for the ride xo

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