tranny lover

Ok.  So I'm a pack rat.

More technically, a hoarder, but I don't allow my gems to take over my life, and really it's my grandparents fault.

Having a partying kind of single mother, I'd be shipped off to stay with the grandparents most weekends.  I learned from them that you never get rid of anything!

you never know when you might need it

So, this experience of a sewage flood, resulting in our belongings taken away, has really opened my eyes as to what I 'need' vs. 'want'.

i swear one day i'll make it to minimalism!!!!

I've gotten rid of 3 full boxes so far and it's feeling good.  Besides, we have to get rid of everything when we move to the Dominican Republic.  Can't really travel with my dear 100+ year old, upright grand, Heintzman piano.

i'm already grieving our goodbye

I'll tell ya though, today when it was time to leave my part time, return to work shift, I was not looking forward to coming home to the boxes.

they loom in hallways and nooks, calling out to me, "don't bother opening me! just toss me away!"

I hung around work as long as I could and filled out forms.  Not something people would want to do when their shift is done, but it was definitely easier than coming home to the hoarder who can't decide what to toss and what to keep.

One of the forms was to ask for a leave so that I could help Papi with the after care of the top surgery.  I feel so guilty asking!  I was off for 2 years post motorcycle accident, then tried to go back, re-injured myself and was off for another 4.5 months.

As soon as I'm back full time, I go for my holiday.  Then I come back for half a week and want to leave for 6 days to help my love.

I really feel like I'm being a bad person milking the system, but damn!  I've never asked for time off to help with a spouse.

Then the moment I was afraid of happened.

I was asked why I needed the time.

"My spouse is getting surgery and won't be able to lift arms, and there has to be someone there to drain the fluids.  It's not here in Vancouver, so I have to travel."

"Oh really?  Where?"

"Florida."

guilt settling more and more ... i'm not taking an extended holiday ... no ... not a holiday trust me!  every inch of me still carries that evil catholic guilt, even though i'm a non-believer ...

"Florida?!?!?!  Why the hell do you have to go there?"

I told her.  Her jaw dropped.  I don't think she wanted to know much more, but you could see her mind ticking, thinking as to why a 'woman' would want their breasts removed.

She thought it was from cancer.  I felt like just letting her think that, but the reality is, everyone at work would know about it in seconds.

I wonder what's worse; having false sympathy that I'd have to keep lying about to cover my tracks, or living with the sideways looks from people at work when they find out what's going on in my life?

Obviously, I told her the truth in not so many words.  I'm just no good at lying.

But damn.

I just start handling all this and now it's like a mud slide, taking all parts of my life with me.  Trees, homes, cars, all of it being washed down the hill.

All my friends don't even know.  Some of my family members don't either.  But now work will.  Everyone is going to figure it out eventually, so I might as well get it out in the open.

**sigh** c'mon Andréa ... make your entrance out of the closet you Tranny Lover ...