Sunday, August 28, 2011

I'm ready.

I had a really nice visit with My Person yesterday.  It's always so comforting to know that someone can read my mind.

She instinctually repeated what I had said yesterday in terms of Papi not really being totally on board with my new choice of pain relief.  When My Person's partner says, "You know, I don't really like it when you _____," My Person's rebuttle is, "Yeah, well I never asked for a dude for a partner, so get over it."

She's just so funny, and it's just so true!

I appreciate that I don't really have to say much for her to understand where my heart is, and vice versa.

I know acceptance is a really good thing.  Getting to it is the object of the game.

Neither one of us is perfect.  We're just who we are and it is our spirits that we love in one another.

Now that the drama of the Tranny topic is becoming a more peaceful experience for me, I'm really coming to terms with the fact that I really have been a closeted Tranny Lover.

I look back at the women I've been attracted to and damn!  They're either so androgynous that people would mistake them for men, or they're transgender and are now going through/have gone through the male transformation process.

There's people that have told me they're going through with the transformation, and I would drop my crush immediately, because, "That's just not what I want in a relationship."

Papi never wanted a pot head in a relationship, and we both wound up in love with our biggest fears.

goddamn ... we really did good on this one, eh?

I can go on about our Tranny situation in jest, frustration or tears, but there really is one very scary truth that my love and I need to look at.

Papi and I are starting to really get our thinking caps on now for what we should bring to the Dominican Republic.

I was starting to wonder if Papi was having cold feet about the whole deal, but getting to know my love more and more, I realize that this anxiety around the 'what if's' is really just my love's personality.

However, there is one topic that is very much a reality to fear.

The island is so religiously brainwashed into homophobia, that if they found out Papi is transgender, the possibility of my love being killed is very real.

Religion can really breed hatred and violence in people when it comes to anything to do with the queer topic.

I know this is truth.

It's truth in our own country, in our oh so very liberal city of Vancouver, and in every other country in the world.

My love is changing, and looking more different to people every day.  I don't really get to see the changes, because they're so slow, that on a day to day basis, I don't really notice.

However, I get to see these changes through others' eyes.  They will mention something is different, and I'll eventually see it as a new reality.

Yet, it's still just the gorgeous person I married, with a few adjustments.

Anyway, I think that by the time we get to DR, my love will be past the Helium Voice stage ...

which has been a lot better that what i feared ... imagine that! ...

... and there will be a lower voice.

My love's scarring from The Great Breast Disappearance will have calmed down a lot by this phase, and perhaps my love will have done some body building to disguise the scar as well.

Those little critters that poke out of Papi's chin seem to be much stronger than the previous little peach fuzz caterpillars that I would cringe over.


I'm seeing much more from a place of acceptance.

This is starting to feel like I'm coming to a place where I can speak freely about where I've come from in these 9 months.

I think I'm ready to be someone else's 'My Person'.


  1. I bet there's gonna be plenty to keep a pot head happy in the Dominicn... lol.

    Good for you, I think you are too - and there is nothing better to make you realise how far you've come then to help someone who is where you were a year ago.

  2. the ability to help someone else through this topic is the true measure of growth eh, dirty?


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