Tuesday, August 30, 2011


I went into The Dispensary and had a nice chat with my Medicinal Cannabis guru.

Apparently, I ate too much of the Budder Bar.  That's why I got a little paranoid and coocoo.

Well, lesson learned.  I can see now where that little gem could fit in.  Not really something I want for the all day, never ending, nattering of a bitchy back.  It's something that could be used for the really bad days where I can't lift my head off the pillow.

So, I've found the magical tincture Snake Bite Oil is the ticket for this femme.

I was actually able to sit for longer than 10 minutes making music yesterday without a screaming back.  Let me tell you, it was the greatest feeling.  I never knew three years ago that it would be a struggle just to get back to composing.

I'm pretty grateful that we live in a city that is so liberal that I actually have a choice about what to put in my body for pain management.  I really don't need residual liver damage from a motorcycle accident, ya know?!?

Anyway, I found another bonus to the Snake Bite Oil.

Another side effect of MC is being a little more brave.

Papi was wandering around without a top on yesterday ...

... which was never out of the ordinary prior to the top surgery ...

... and I looked at my love when Papi started talking about his nipples.

"I was told that they would take a while to heal."

I was finally able to look at them without the mask of denial!  I thought to myself ... wait a minute ... how did they create that nipple?? ... then proceeded to ask Papi. 

"It's my own nipple.  It's from my original nipple!"

Then I realized, I'd never thought about it.  So now, I'm looking at said nipple and I realized that there was no other scarring to make the big female areola hole shrink to fit into a small male areola area.

damn ... does that make sense?!

Well, I was surprisingly curious as I shocked myself by asking my love how the hell they did that!!

Papi didn't know.  Papi and I just looked at each other, wondering how they created this crazy illusion!

They really did a good job!  I finally looked at it differently.  I didn't look at it from a place of queasiness.

well ... maybe i shouldn't go that far ... i was queasy ...

None-the-less, it took me a moment to really envision my own nipples being cut off, cut to size and placed back on my chest!

Oh yeah ... I couldn't really get past that, but the point is I really looked at them from a place of acceptance.

Here is the person I married.

My transgender, F-M esposo.

That's when I had a moment where I saw the person Papi wants to be.

It was quite a fleeting moment, but I saw it.

I saw the 'man' that people see when they just see Papi on the street and walk on by, without trying to figure out if this is a man or a woman.

I saw the male figure that Papi desires to see in the mirror.  It wasn't so scary, it was just a chance to see my love through different eyes.

Of course, the feeling I had in seeing my love in a different way vanished with one sentence.

"I don't think they'll fall off now."


No, they pretty much look like they're going to be stuck there for good.

So, to my Blogger Friends Dirty Cowgirl and Sandra, you can stop worrying about nipples being ripped off by the power of the shower head, then floating down the tub drain.

They're now permanent.

And small. 



  1. Oh, so they just "nip and tuck it?", just like that?
    Bloody genius! Well, you just have to say these Doctors are pretty good at what they do!
    Very interesting. Hey I'm glad you're comfy now to look at it. So much progress! Proud of you A!

  2. thanx for your support as usual my friend. hey ... i am really getting somewhere now, eh?

    it really is amazing how they did it! really! just glad i can see that now :)

  3. They cut off each nipple and set them aside while they remove the rest of the breast tissue. Then they position the nipples onto the chest and decide what size they should be cut to, then they cut them and stitch them into place with very fine sutures. They definitely wont fall off!! Arnica cream is great for helping minimise scarring. :)

    So glad to read you had some relief from you back pain. :)

  4. vee thank you!!

    i forgot that i could ask you about this!

    i have more questions, so i'll PM ya! xoxo

  5. The nips will take about a year to look "normal" :-> The scar tissue takes a while to go away.

  6. wow. a year. well, they're not as angry anymore i'll tell ya ...

  7. @ Easton - yes, the scar tissue will take a while to heal, do try Arnica, it's a great product and try not to expose your scars to the sun. :)

    @ Andrea - feel free to email anytime! :)

  8. I was always creeped out by what they did during some breast reduction surgery techniques to keep the milk ducts/nipples intact. They cut around the nipple then remove the excess tissue and cut a hole for the nipple higher on the breast, and then sort of hoist the nipple up higher and stitch it in its new place... so for a while the nipple and attached internal bits are just sort of sitting there... not attached to anything... like... like a mushroom. 0_o

    I don't know which is more odd to think about; "setting the nipple aside" or having it kind of floating int he middle of a pile of flesh, waiting to be sewn back up.

  9. @vee, E's using some kinda something or other for scar reduction ... good tip about the sun!

    and i know i can email anytime :) thank you for being a friend

    @nano, ok ... you just upset my tummy ... holy craps! soooo fucking weird what people can do to our bodies!!!

  10. yeah dirty ... my sentiments exactly.


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